Seeing joy and experiencing wonder

Over the weekend we saw the first Spring lambs.  They were bouncing all over the field, looking so cute and carefree.  All Sophie could hear is Katie saying “lambies” over and over.  It’s amazing how quickly we can have a trigger experience for something wonderful.  It is usually associated with something that Katie sees, we suddenly feel this sense of joy and wonder come across the body.  She’s incredibly focused on the item and we can block out everything else.  It’s an amazing feeling.

Katie is heavily protected and only comes forward when Sophie is present.  This means that when we’re at our most dysfunctional, Katie is well hidden within our internal house.  But when she is present, it can be a shock for the rest of us.  M has come back to find a child’s cupcake on our lunch tray, or found herself arms deep in a bin of Mushabellies :)  Which considering the quiet dignified nature of M, was rather amusing…

When we’re in the depths of our denial about DID, or when we read the sometimes negative information about littles, this behaviour is like a reality check for us.  There is no way that M would voluntarily let herself get arm deep in squeaky toys.  But it is something that a 3 nearly 4 year old would do in a heartbeat.  Sometimes it’s hard to understand that this brain can hold the wonder and joy that Katie can experience, as well as the dark depths held by those in The Basement.

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Now playing: Brooke Fraser – Waste Another Day
via FoxyTunes

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9 Responses to “Seeing joy and experiencing wonder”


  1. 1 srose2you August 7, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    What a wonderful post! Brought a smile to my face.. We could all use to feel a sense of wonder and joy and I’m glad that you got to feel this!

  2. 3 lostshadowchild August 7, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    Thank you so much for post this. It brought up the first smile by
    me since many days :) Have you taken photos from the lambs??? Oh, please :)

    • 4 castorgirl August 8, 2009 at 7:33 am

      Hi (((LostShadowChild)))
      No, we didn’t get a photo of the lambs :( We didn’t have our camera with us. But I’m glad we could help you smile…
      Take care :)

  3. 5 fromthesamesky August 7, 2009 at 11:30 pm

    Yes I agree – wonderful! :)

  4. 7 Ivory August 8, 2009 at 1:16 am

    This post made me smile, too, and it reminded me that, yes, it is very easy for a little to slip out and do what a child does best – they always do what satisfies them best, not necessarily what’s appropriate.

    Now that I’m old(er), I have found that people don’t care if I pick up little stuffed animals or play with dolls in the store. I don’t know, maybe they think I’m checking it out for a grandchild. I get away with much more now than I used to. Well, wait. Maybe all those people are just becoming use to seeing me do all those things!

    I also am amused at Violet’s reaction when she comes to retrieve a little, usually Pink, and she finds that we have collected several stuffed “babies” and are on our way to the check out!

    • 8 castorgirl August 8, 2009 at 7:40 am

      Hi Ivory,

      We mainly get the odd looks when we’ve obviously been doing lots of squeaky toy testing :) But I’ve never encountered it for just looking at toys, maybe because people assume I have children or they don’t care as long as they get a sale in these tough economic times.

      We’ve occasionally had new toys brought without our awareness, but we stopped carrying cash around many years ago to stop the purchases – the littles don’t know any of our PIN numbers :)

      Take care :)

  5. 9 Paul from Mind Parts August 10, 2009 at 2:44 am

    Well, you’ve brought up one of the joys of being multiple, that you get to experience things as children. Of course being a multiple isn’t required, but it doesn’t hurt. I also appreciate how you use these experiences as reality checks on denial. That’s so excellent. Paul.


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