Swirling mess

What a day.  Sitting at work shaking like a leaf.  My hands won’t stop, even when typing or trying to drink something warm to try and soothe.  We’ve been sick with the flu, but we didn’t have the shakes then, just today.  I know the shaking is due to emotions, but it’s such a weird experience – knowing that the body is shaking due to emotions, but not actually feeling those emotions.

I don’t experience the emotions and I’m not sure what has triggered this, but it started last night when there was a sudden feeling of being lost and empty.  Considering we didn’t go anywhere or see anyone yesterday, I’m not sure what’s brought this on.  Maybe talking to the mother on the phone?  Maybe watching mindless DVDs?  There was a draft done last night about a secret fear we have, maybe that’s caused it?  I try to look at what’s happening internally and all I see is a swirling mess.  Why can’t the answers ever be obvious and simple?

When you look at the injustices people are experiencing all over the world, it’s so pathetic to be sitting in an office shaking like a leaf for no identifiable reason.

—————-
Now playing: Brooke Fraser – Scarlet
via FoxyTunes

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11 Responses to “Swirling mess”


  1. 1 fromthesamesky June 29, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    It’s not pathetic at all – there WAS injustice done to you – and the shaking reaction is completely natural given that experience. It has just been delayed to make it more manageable. I’m sure it doesn’t feel manageable at all though – sending lots of safe hugs and support your way. Don’t forget to breathe!

  2. 3 lostshadowchild June 30, 2009 at 2:29 am

    Yep, there is a reason. Just you haven’t found it. Hope you can clear the swirling mess. I know the problems too and it make me sad if I have such problems and there is no answer from the internal system, what’s going on. Sometimes I can clear it, with my thera :)

    safe hugs ((()))

  3. 7 Amie June 30, 2009 at 5:39 am

    I hope you work out whats going on internally, and i hope you feel better real soon. I’m here if you need to talk things through

  4. 9 Paul June 30, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    I hope you are feeling better. I know feeling not well physically is a big strain on the rest of us (especially emotionally). I have been concerned about you. Sending you good and healing thoughts… Paul.

    • 10 castorgirl June 30, 2009 at 8:01 pm

      Hi Paul,
      Funnily enough, while we were sick with the flu we got the most sleep we’d had in months. Slept all night and most of the day as well, which is VERY unusual. But, it was sleep to fight the flu, not to restore strength.
      We’ll be fine :)
      Take care…
      B

  5. 11 David July 2, 2009 at 7:22 am

    I understand completely how confusing it is to have a physical reaction to emotion you’re not consciously feeling. It’s very upsetting. ((hugs))


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