A very “un-special” day

Had therapy this morning after a couple of weeks break.  It was rough.  Liz said that we needed to fill in the paperwork for ACC so that more sessions can be allocated.  So we sat down to be put through red-tape hell.  In many respects the ACC system is designed to assist those within therapy to keep track of what is happening and ensure that the process is safe for the client and checks are made on the therapists techniques.  In reality, we sat there for 40 minutes listing the symptoms we experience.  It was either do it all in one hit, or spread the torture out over several weeks, so it was better to get it over and done with.  I just wish she’d waited for another week…  She periodically asked if we were OK and breathing – I wonder if she expected me to be honest??

Something that we always struggle with, is any expression of emotion from the therapist.  I don’t really care if something we say touches her.  I’d rather not know.  If I have to protect her from being affected by the crap that I know I’m going to have to say at some stage, I’d rather just move on and find another therapist.  I’d rather talk to a brick wall than talk to someone who is going to say that something trivial touches them.  I’m sure this is because of our avoidance of attachment, and it’s something that we’re going to have to address.

Not quite sure what’s happening internally, I know we had a couple of good days.  We seriously got caught up in taking photos and editing them – thanks for the tip about RAW images Paul.  But that seems to have been deflated with the session today.  Liz knew it had gone badly as she picked up on our withdrawl from her…


10 Responses to “A very “un-special” day”

  1. 1 The Bold One June 8, 2009 at 7:01 pm

    Re: “I just wish she’d waited for another week…

    I agree with you.

    If I were the therapist, it would be obvious to me that any change in regularity and rhythm of client-therapist appointments (such as break) inevitably makes a rupture in the relationship that the meeting after the break has first to be heal…, and it is only the next appointment when they can work together on issues external to their relationship (such as fill in the paperwork for ACC).

    • 2 castorgirl June 8, 2009 at 7:37 pm

      Thank you Bold One, it helps to know that we’re not exagerating the problem. I know we could have said that we didn’t want to do it this week, but that would have led to a week of extreme anxiety. In areas like this, we need her to lead us.

      Thank you for reading what I now consider to be a very disjointed entry. Obviously still not on an even keel despite the happy face at work…

      I hope you are all OK :)
      (((warm safe hugs))) to those who want them…
      B and Sophie :)

  2. 3 fromthesamesky June 8, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    Sucks that she sprung the paperwork on you – I agree. Not very helpful at all.

    In terms of therapist emotion – hmm. Mine quite often shows that my stuff impacts her (which I think I like, because it means that it is meaningful) and often her emotions act like a yardstick (i.e. if she finds something sad then it is probably sad even if I don’t feel it). But then I am in a place where I can recognise that when there are tears from her in a session it isn’t that I am making her sad – she is expressing emotion on my behalf and isn’t going to feel rubbish because of me. She is stronger than that. So I have no concerns for her, as it were. I imagine if you did though (and those clients who have been emotional caretakers of their FOO will probably be in this category) it might be distressing and difficult to experience it, rather than validating.

    • 4 castorgirl June 9, 2009 at 9:00 am

      The paperwork made the therapy firmly about her. There was a passing effort at asking if I had anything important to talk about. It was a very brief opportunity that didn’t encourage a response and came directly after a question about whether we still wanted to see her or not.

      When a previous therapist cried during sessions we felt disgust, pity and curiosity. It made no sense to us that she would cry because of something we’d said.

  3. 5 Ivory June 9, 2009 at 1:18 am

    Too bad you wasted the time you had with her. Well, not wasted, but you didn’t get to work on the issues you went there for. That always sucks.

    I’m not sure how I feel about my T expressing emotion, I don’t handle it well from anyone. I don’t know why not, but it scares me, so just reading that your T expressed emotion throws me off. I hope things get better for you, tho, and it was necessary paperwork…

    Have a good day, I’ll be thinking of you.

  4. 7 lostshadowchild June 9, 2009 at 2:07 am

    I agree with Bold One. It wasn’t good to fill in the paperwork, first session after a long break. Every time after a break my T. would like to know everything that happened to me in this time. This has precedence to above all others. Hope, that the ACC will allocated you more sessions. At least this would be a small “compensation”.

    Take good care and (((())))

    (your pictures with the new camera are wonderful, just looked at Hamiltons Garden. It’s so beautiful!)

  5. 9 Paul June 10, 2009 at 4:38 am

    Awesome that you get caught up in taking photos. I hope you found it relaxing and peaceful? Will we see them posted here?

    • 10 castorgirl June 10, 2009 at 7:29 am

      While the mother was here, she said one of the few times we were even mildly animated was when we were taking photos. It helps us feel connected to the world around us, we’re noticing the world more. I’ve done a new tab within the blog where we’ll put photos that mean something to us for some reason or another, but we’ll be putting most of them on our Flickr account. If you look at them, remember we’re new to taking photos… :)

      Take care…

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