Friends and understanding

Over that last week, there has been an increased need to self-injure. Several things happened over Easter which triggered the need, and it has been growing despite our efforts to distract. Last night it was particularly bad. M was wanting to call the crisis line when we got home from work if the need didn’t ease.  This coincided with our American friend contacting us again. The conversation with him was exactly what we needed.

At the start of the conversation we were actually honest with him and said that we needed to self-injure and described the type of self-injury it would be.  His response was so simple – we can keep on talking for as long as it takes for it to ease.  We really needed to hear that.  No questions, no acceptance of it being one of our coping strategies, just support to help us through it.

This is the friend we remember.

We don’t have to pretend to be fine with him.  We don’t have to smile.  He calls us on us asking about him all the time and not saying anything about what we’re going through.

He knows us, he’s seen all of our YouTube stuff and more.  He understands it and admits that some of the stuff in this head scares him.  If anyone else said this to us we’d be insulted, but with him it’s OK.  We’ve also seen him at low points, so it’s the sort of statement that can only be said by someone who has been there and let us see a little of that as well.

There was also no need to please him.  Just to curl up on the couch and talk until the urge to harm eased down to a more controllable level…  He doesn’t read this blog, but I thank him for being there.

—————-
Now playing: The Feelers – Stand Up
via FoxyTunes

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2 Responses to “Friends and understanding”


  1. 1 davidrochester April 19, 2009 at 12:04 pm

    I’m thankful for him too, and glad that he has the common sense to know how to offer nonjudgmental yet firm support. I know how precious that is, and I’m so glad he was there when you needed him.

  2. 2 castorgirl April 25, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    You’re so right David, that nonjudgemental support is rare. It helps that he self injures so knows what we were experiencing. Self injury is something that triggers so many responses for everyone, it’s hard for many people to look past the resultant injury and look at the motivation for it.

    Take care…


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