I don’t want you to feel privileged!

This is a purely knee jerk reaction to the assessment we had this morning.  But after an hour of trying to explain the problems we experience and the issues we face, one of women who came to the assessment called it a privilege to have heard some of our story and struggles…

I don’t want to know that hearing our experiences is a privilege for anyone, I want them to identify where we can all work together to make this life more bearable!

Both of the women were incredibly gentle and nice, but that one line (which Carol used to say frequently) altered the whole experience.  It’s such a “therapist” phrase…

On the good news front, we heard back from the other therapist who was recommended to us.  She’s accepting new ACC clients!  Hopefully we can afford her – even if it’s fortnightly…

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11 Responses to “I don’t want you to feel privileged!”


  1. 1 davidrochester March 3, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    Oh man, that would have sent me through the roof. I don’t blame you for feeling irritated.

  2. 3 Sam's the most (too much) righteously bold & creative alter March 4, 2009 at 12:18 am

    Hi to both of you – CastorGirl &David

    I would probably feel as if they are trying to minimize the reality of what really happened and it would make me want to say “What do you think this is kind of theatrical performance you are privileged to be able to hear/see, or what?!!”

    However, the host would probably not let me say it, because the host is still all in the positive spin as David has described it (I made myself a note for our system about David’s suggestion here http://www.google.com/notebook/public/15007374035221757547/BDQgkQgoQyaHQ7_gj).

    • 4 castorgirl March 4, 2009 at 9:20 am

      I couldn’t help smile regarding the theatrical performance… That’s pretty much how it felt!

      We’re going to try and practice that suggestion of David’s too. It’s a little hard for us in that we work in a library where anyone and everyone can just walk in. But it’s worth a try for the areas we do know who will be around. At the moment we’re highly compartmentalised, so only a couple of us do work.

      • 5 Sam's the most (too much) righteously bold & creative alter March 5, 2009 at 2:09 am

        Regarding the suggestion of David’s, I understand your situation because we work in an office setting where you never know who (and when) is going to walk in, as well.

        And the inner children would prefer to choose who and when will come in…

        the last words, just written, has triggered some bad associations, and caused me to disappear for a moment or two…

        Where was I?

        Aha. What I wanted to say is that it could still be applied in everyday situations to explain where the body will be at different points in time over the day…

        This would make my inner children feel safer a bit, but nevertheless the inner children still want me to buy a GPS (or at least a phone with built-in GPS) so they would be able to track our body position, can you imagine it?

        On the second thought, it’s understandable because we have bad orientation and can’t tell many times where we are and how we get there, so having a digital map of streets and everything with the path shown on GPS that the body has traveled would really make the inner children feel safer and we would not have to worry about our bad orientation anymore.

        So, the consensus is now to buy one.

        • 6 castorgirl March 5, 2009 at 12:47 pm

          We always carry our cell phone with us for a similar reason – but it’s about seeing the time and day on a device that wasn’t around when we were young. We just can’t wear a watch for some reason…

          So a GPS makes sense. We don’t get lost as such because we have a very set routine and schedule to try and keep us safe and on track. But sometimes we find ourselves confused if a young one has come forward because of a trigger.

          Good luck with the GPS purchasing :)
          Take care…

  3. 7 Vague March 4, 2009 at 10:04 am

    hmm… when someone says to me ‘its a priveledge to hear your story’ it says to me that they see value in the life i’ve lived, value in the struggle and the overcoming of the struggle, the valiance of living through what we’ve lived through, and respecting the difficulties we’ve lived throught that they haven’t, and recognition that it’s a story that not many will hear, all told, and they feel they have received something of worth to their life from hearing my story. …just my thoughts. :)

    • 8 castorgirl March 4, 2009 at 10:44 am

      Hi Vague,

      Yes, I can easily see how it could be a positive comment… I’m also completely convinced that the woman who came meant it in the positive way you describe.

      If it was the first time we’d heard the term, I’m sure that is would have been quite a different internal response to it. But because this is something that Carol used to say quite regularly – even when we were actually needing help. It turned into a phrase that became about Carol’s experiences rather than ours. So she felt privilaged, rather than “it was a privilage”… can you see what I mean?

      We also know that we’re not in a good place at the moment, because we don’t have a feeling of connection with anything at the moment. So we’re much more sensitive than usual.

      What was also quite interesting is that we hadn’t told these women much about our past at all. It was a assessment purely based on our level of functioning, not a telling of our abuse. So it was definitely about her thanking us for sharing that part of our life – it was just unfortunate that we were triggered negatively by the way she chose to do that. This is purely our problem, and nothing she did wrong…

      Thank you for your comments :)
      Take care…

      PS… your work on polyvore is amazing… sorry we don’t have the right words to describe your art or what it means and represents.


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