Goodbye Bob!

We’ve been having trouble ending our therapeutic relationship with Bob (codename for our therapist).  Bob has been trying to encourage/force/fast-track an amalgamation, integration or eviction.  This didn’t go down too well with us, to the point where we pretty much stormed out of her office last week.

So today was “The Day”…

  • We told her that we don’t trust her.  We also explained that this isn’t uncommon as we don’t trust people in general.  When we do develop trust it takes a long time.
  • We were feeling rushed through the process, which was causing some of us to dig our toes in and resist or hide.  We mentioned that this was a very similar feeling to having no options while growing up.
  • We felt that she didn’t give us a chance to say what issues we had during the week or to discuss non-integration issues – Bob’s response was that we never raised them.
  • It was now at the point where we had lost respect for her and some of us hated her.  It was fine that some hated her (which she agreed with), but the loss of respect meant it will never work.
  • Bob didn’t see co-consciousness as an option, as this is what was happening now and it obviously wasn’t working.  We did mention that if we were truly co-conscious, we wouldn’t lose time – this didn’t seem to register.

She gave us options:

  • Staying with her, but under a therapy contract which would cause a fee to be added – but ensure more sessions were granted so trust could be built and the time pressure removed.
  • Going to see another therapist or psychologist.
  • Returning to our previous therapist.
  • Stopping therapy.

Our only weak point is that Buffie needed a rest after having to deal with all of it, so Sophie took over for awhile.  While Buffie was present she mentioned that “something odd had happened over the weekend” but didn’t say what it was.  When Sophie was present, she related what she’d read in this blog about the interchange between S and Kriss.  Bob’s response – “Oh, so you remember now…”

*Sigh* she just doesn’t get it.

Bob also talked Sophie into delaying making the final decision about what to do with therapy until next week.  We’re OK with this as it will mean that we’ll have re-grouped as such, so it will be easy to end the sessions.

Today was the first time Bob gave us any sort of compliment – we gave her a chart that indicated the current level of communication.  I think that in some respects, today was the first time she saw us as anything other than a “problem case”. I think she was pretty clueless that we were feeling this way.

Trying not to panic too much about the anniversary being so close and being without a therapist…  We’ve survived up until now, so we can do this too.

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7 Responses to “Goodbye Bob!”


  1. 1 amylane2701 January 20, 2009 at 11:04 pm

    This is a really brave step to take, but I believe it is the right choice. Good luck for you next session and with ending things. I’m right here if you need to talk things through x

  2. 2 castorgirl January 21, 2009 at 7:31 am

    *hugs* Thanks Amy… :)
    It’ll be easy next week to just end it all. Buffie can do the session again and it will all be over and we can move on.
    We were kinda stunned that she didn’t realise how awful the experience has been for us – but she just put it down to us being resistant to therapy :)
    Take care…
    Sophie :)

  3. 3 gracie et al January 21, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    We think you should get another therapist. See our long-winded email to you about this. Be gentle on yourselves.

  4. 4 castorgirl January 21, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    Hi Gracie et al,

    Yes, we’re going to get a new therapist. I’m more than a little unimpressed that she maneuvered Sophie into another session, but it might help us find out what she’s going to say to ACC.

    If you don’t mind, we might run some names by you all in case you know any of them and whether they’re any good or not :) It’s ok if you don’t want to answer.

    I’ll answer your email when I get home. Been a hectic day!

    Take care :)

  5. 5 annenco January 21, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    Wow, hearing this makes me see how I had so much trouble ending things with one of my therapists. Things kept going on for 3 or 4 sessions longer than I wanted them cause some how I’d go in there ready to lay it out and then leave but some how wind up back at home with yet another appointment thinking “Um…that wasn’t supposed to happen”. Hadn’t thought of that ended in a long time but like many things from the past…it’s making sense now.
    It’s taken us some time to find a good therapist but I think this new one is working out pretty well but we’re taking it slow this time.
    Best of Luck!

  6. 6 davidrochester January 21, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    Sounds like progress is being made toward disconnecting from Bob, who really doesn’t seem to have her head screwed on straight. Good work — it’s hard, but worth it.

  7. 7 castorgirl January 22, 2009 at 10:39 am

    Thanks annenco and David…

    Yes annenco, it’s amazing how you can go with firm plans as to what is going to happen, only to have something happen that means it’s all lost. Sometimes it’s because we’ve switched and lose the time, sometimes it’s repeating old negative patterns…

    Take care…


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