About

First off “castorgirl” has nothing to do with grocery items (sugar, oil etc). It’s derived from me being a Gemini (Castor was one of the twins) and having a dissociative disorder. This blog will be used mainly to try and increase communication about the dissociative system, our problems and our attempts to find new ways of expressing what is going on.

It’s purpose is to try and communicate what is happening for us. We’re not experts, we’re not special, we’re not advocates or good examples of what it is like to live with the after effects of trauma… We’re just us… With all our craziness, stupidity, confusion and when we’re really lucky, humour as well.

In addition, we’re librarians.  Because of this, we research and look for ways to explain what we are experiencing.  We have found that the information about dissociative disorders runs the spectrum from insulting through to validating. In an attempt to try and establish a working framework for our own healing, we will look at the different resources available… the good, the bad and the stupid.

In order to try and help you understand us all a little better, here’s a very brief overview of the ones who contribute or are mentioned in this blog.

Who we are

Pieces of CastorGirl

B
Always a couple of years older that the rest, B is our interpreter and ensures that “we” talk as one consistent voice to the outside world. She was born when we were 7-10 when the father told us to “Stop talking in all those funny voices”. B has the most access to the entire system and constantly watches for any signs of trouble or danger.

Sophie
Soph is 16 and was born to ensure that we continued to act like a normal happy teenager. She protects and looks after K.

M
Initially ageless, M constantly appears to be older than the rest of us. She has been described as a bitch and having a very cynical outlook on life. She’s very rule driven and is the one who does a majority of our daily functioning at work.

Mickie
Male aged 13-16.  Rarely fronts and is highly protective of several young ones.  In many ways a constant internal big brother.

S
A sexual being who is stuck at age 13 and was born to stand up to the sister and please men when the body was about 9. Everything she does and says relates to sex – which she equates to power.

W
An anxious 8 year old who needs everything to be perfect. She doesn’t believe that we’re DID or that we share a body. She punishes herself and others in the system for telling secrets. She speaks to therapists occasionally and relays incidents of abuse to M in the form of pictures and smells.

SO
A very hurt 7 year old who rarely speaks. She has strength and haunted eyes.

K
Our centre of hope. K is 3 (nearly 4) and is sweet and innocent. She usually only speaks to Sophie.

People mentioned

Liz
Current therapist.

Bob and Carol
Previous therapists.

Kriss
Man we saw for about six months after the separation.

Matthew
Our American friend. The first person we really identified with in terms of how we experience DID. He’s recently divorced.